4 Things I Wish People Would Stop Saying to Single Women I dont talk much about…

4 Things I Wish People Would Stop Saying to Single Women I dont talk much about my personal life especially on the internet. Why? Partly because I tend to be a pretty private person but also because Im a single woman in my 20s. Mentioning my singledom whether to friends and family or in passing online inevitably leads to a slew of uninvited comments. It definitely doesnt help that Im hitting that age where the people I used to eat lunch and talk about philosophy homework with are getting married and having children and posting it all over social media. And as genuinely nice as it is to have people asking about my life because they care about me its also a little much sometimes and my other single friends seem to run into a lot of the same things. So what are some of the most common things I hear? Here we go. 1. Let me set you up with my (friend/coworker/brothers flatmates cousin) While I appreciate the thought I really wish people would stop immediately trying to play matchmaker. While blind dates might work for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle more often than not theyre awkward and forced and the parties dont actually turn out to have as much in common as the matchmaker thinks. Offers like these put me in an awkward spot: How do I gracefully decline without hurting your feelings or indirectly insulting your friend? If were actually close enough friends that I would go to you for dating advice I promise Ill ask you directly if I think that guy from your cooking classs group Insta photo is cute. Otherwise please let it be. 2. You must not be trying hard enough. GIRL. Believe me I have tried. I really have a hard time when people say this because it implies that dating is something like riding a bike or learning to speak French; an objective thing that can be achieved through sheer willpower and effort. But since youre dealing with complex things like emotions and other human beings with emotions and free will dating is not anything like that. Some of the single people I know have tried endless dating apps and hobby groups and all the right things and are still single while some of the happiest couples I know met with almost no effort whatsoever like something out of a movie. You cant try to fall for someone or try to have a connection either. The corollary to this: I genuinely think people who say things like this dont realise how much pressure it can put on the single person theyre talking to. For me at least I can get pretty up in my own head when it comes to dating and it can be hard sometimes to remind myself that my single status is not a failure on my part but a simple fact of circumstance. But when people say things like this it puts me right back in that mindset and thats not conducive to trying to date either. Related: 10 Things to Never Say to an Independent Woman 3. Youre single? But youre so (fill in positive adjective)! Uh thanks I guess? I never know what to say with this one. Its like a weird backhanded compliment. But surprise! Singledom is not the domain of the flawed; being single does not mean something is wrong with someone. Being attractive / smart / good at talking / whatever is not the only thing thats important in dating. I know you think its a compliment but from the other side of it it doesnt really feel like one. Plus its super awkward to try to figure out a response to that. I cant say thank you because its not really a compliment but I feel like I should because it sort of is one. Its just uncomfortable. Honestly Id rather talk about something related to whatever that trait is that way I know you see me as a whole person not just with the big label SINGLE above all else. 4. Anything about how unhappy I must be aka variations on Dont worry! OK Ill admit it: sometimes I do worry about dying alone. Im pretty sure everyone who feels romantic attraction worries at some point about never meeting the love of their life. But heres the thing: that doesnt mean life doesnt start until then. Im passionate about my career and have a masters degree to prove it. I love my friends and family. I have hobbies I enjoy. Pop culture so often portrays romance as the missing puzzle piece or something like that but I dont think of it like that. Its more like moving into a different sized apartment: theres nothing inherently wrong with a small one life just expands in interesting ways. The truth is sometimes Im unhappy about being single. The truth also is sometimes Im perfectly happy being single. There are even times when Im unhappy and it has absolutely nothing to do with my relationship status. Its not a one-size-fits-all thing and its certainly not a small-talk topic of conversation. I get it: the people who say something along these lines really do care about me; they say it because they dont want me to be unhappy. Assuming Im unhappy single though makes me feel like the other things I do arent of value or arent enough to make a person happy. What all of this really boils down to is this: please stop making assumptions about me just because Im single. A relationship is certainly something I want but its still super uncomfortable when everyone tries to give me unasked-for advice and it puts me in an awkward spot because I know the questions and advice do come from a place of caring. But when it comes down to it Im so much more than my relationship status and in most cases Id much rather talk about something related to my work or my hobbies or my friends. And someday when its time to introduce a wonderful guy Ill feel a lot better if I can feel comfortable knowing the first words out of my loved ones mouths wont be Oh FINALLY!

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